(CNN) -- Martha was tough on her children when it came to alcohol in their early teens. When she saw beer at a party her then-14-year-old daughter was attending, she broke it up and told all the kids to call their parents. When her son was about the same age, she grounded him for a month after learning he had a drinking episode.
But her outright prohibition softened when her children reached their late teens. She lives in Georgia, a state that allows parents to let their underage children -- but no one else's -- have alcohol in their own homes. She lets her now-18-year-old son have a beer or a little wine at home, in part to kill curiosity, but won't serve his friends.
Suspecting alcohol will be part of his senior prom experience, she's having him take a limo. While planning to escort him and his friends to a rented beach house for spring break this year, she expected to have a "don't ask, don't tell" policy, but she wouldn't furnish alcohol, and she'd take away their car keys.
It's probably unrealistic, she says, for parents to forbid alcohol to older teens outright. Instead, she teaches moderation, safety and responsibility. "If you can be around your child and monitor them all the time and watch everything they do, and if it works for you and them, then [prohibit it]," said Martha, an Atlanta-area resident who spoke on condition that her last name be withheld. "But I think, given what's out there, you have to teach them how to be safe and considerate of others."
U.S. law requires states, as a condition of getting highway funds, to prohibit people under 21 from buying or publicly possessing alcohol. Some states have situational exceptions, but no state allows people to furnish alcohol to an underage person who isn't their child, ward or spouse, said Mike Hilton, deputy director of the division of epidemiology and prevention research at the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism.
Yet minors find a way get alcohol elsewhere. About 10.1 million people ages 12 to 20 in the United States -- more than a quarter of that age group -- drank at least once in a certain month's period in 2008, according to that year's National Survey on Drug Use and Health. More than 30 percent of underage drinkers said they paid for their most recent drink; for those who didn't pay, the most common source was 21 or older and not a relative, according to the survey for the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration.
With matters of health, safety, morality and legality to consider, what goes through parents' minds when they determine what stance to take with their children on alcohol? Debbie Taylor says she told her son, Casey, that she didn't want him to drink while underage, but if he ever did, he was not to drive. She wishes her message had been different.
Casey Taylor, of Casper, Wyoming, was 18 when he died of alcohol poisoning in July 2002. Just two months out of high school and one month into living away from home with a roommate, he had succumbed to a challenge from friends to chug a large amount of rum, his mother said. His blood-alcohol content, she said, was 0.41 percent.
Debbie Taylor said she'd never caught her son -- an honor roll student and varsity football player and wrestler -- drinking, but she twice found rum bottles hidden in her garage when he was 17 and suspected they were his. The first one she threw away. The second, she left.
"My reasoning for leaving the second bottle there was that all of the kids are doing it, and I did it growing up," Taylor, 52, said.
"If I could go back, I would make it absolutely clear that I didn't want him drinking at all -- that he was underage, that it is not legal," she added. "That's what I did with his younger brother [then 16] after Casey died. It was made perfectly clear to him that I didn't want him drinking at all until he was 21. And he didn't."
Taylor joined Mothers Against Drunk Driving in 2003 and is now the Wyoming chapter's spokeswoman. She said she now believes teens aren't ready to drink. MADD supports the minimum drinking age of 21 years, citing numerous studies showing that it has reduced alcohol-related fatalities and injuries since it was federally mandated in the 1980s, and arguing that drinking can be harmful to teens' still-developing brains.
Laura Dean-Mooney, MADD's national president, said parents can prevent underage drinking by discussing rules and consequences often and early -- starting around fourth grade, when peer pressure starts to kick in. "The tricky thing with letting kids in their late teens drink is that you're not always going to be home every time they choose to drink. You're not always going to be there to take away the keys," she said when asked whether she could understand parents who argue that absolute prohibition isn't the way to go.
As for Martha of Georgia, she says she generally discourages her 18-year-old from drinking and reminds him it's against the law outside her supervision at home. Putting him in school activities and encouraging him to study hard -- she says he's a straight-A student -- helps keep him out of trouble. "He has a good grounding in what's healthy and what's not. That's what I taught my children -- how to live with balance," she said. "I've seen people go extreme in either direction [with alcohol], and I don't think either one is totally healthy."
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
First of all, I don't drink. I think it's stupid. But my parents have never told me not to. (They have never encouraged me TO do it, either.) The reason I don't drink is a reason society is completely missing- it's because my mom and I communicate; We're best friends. There's not nearly as much family time as their was back in the day. I think kids need conversation and interaction with parents/family. As the times get more stressful, the consumption of alcohol continues to rise. HELLO, PARENTS. Wake up and talk to your kid! Be there to praise them when they've made -good- choices! Don't just be there to punish them after bad ones. Personally, I don't think it should be legal for people under 21 to drink -anywhere-, not even in the home under parental supervision. They say it kills curiosity? What if it's just contributing to the development of a lifelong addiction? Parents should always be against anything dangerous for their child! BUT parents shouldn't keep their child chained to a chair in their room either. It's a difficult situation, to say the least, but I think parents have more to do with it than they realize. I'm not saying it's not the child's fault- after all, it IS their choice in the end. I'm just saying there has to be a reason for the lack of responsibility in teens.
ReplyDeleteI think what Martha did was smart, letting her teen drink with her in their own house. I think by letting your own teenager drink with you, they will get to spend some more time with you, and not be out with their friends drinking, and getting the risks of drunk driving, and getting minors. By Martha allowing her teenager to drink with her, she can show her teenager how to drink responsibly and not to get too intoxicated, and when enough is enough. Either way, drinking is a big part of social life among teenagers now days, so why not know that they are safe, and allow them to drink with you, instead of letting them drink where they have access to vehicles, etc. I think what Martha is doing is perfectly fine, especially since she forbids to serve any of his friends - which would be illegal if they were under 21. I think more parents should do this, and talk to their childs about how to drink responsibly and when enough is really enough. For example, Casey Taylor dying of alcohol poisoning, there's probably a big chance that his parents didn't talk to him about the dangers of drinking, and probably never sat down and drank in their own house with him. If they did, maybe he would have known not to be so stupid and keep drinking and drinking. And I think parents have every right to just talk to their teenagers about drinking, and not serving them in their household, like mine, but at least talk to them before something serious happens. Also, Martha was smart about calling a limo for her teenager's spring break, because if her teenager didn't have a ride, chances are they would drink and drive. So overall, I think yes, let teenagers drink with their parents, they're going to do it anyway outside the household if you don't. And hey - maybe they'd pick to drink safely and responsibly with a parent instead of taking the risks of getting a minor outside home. And hopefully, the teenagers will continue to go by their parent's rules about drinking when their parents sit down to drink with them, and when they finally do leave for college, jobs, and life after high school, they will be responsible like their parents.
ReplyDelete- Aaron Knudson
I dont think teens should be able to drink because our bodies are not ready for alcohol. Our immune system isnt ready. I know people debate the whole "you can go to war and fight for your life but you cant have a beer?" I get that point but you should wait till your legal because there is way too many under age deaths involving alcohol. Kids take risks and when alcohol is involved bad things happen. Its a proven fact that teens who drink have more accidents and that is the reason for high insurance rates on teens.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Hansen on the whole alcohol subject. I dont think as a kid under 21 that our bodies can handle it. Also when kids get started drinking alcohol at an early age some may become addicted. Another reason why I dont think kids should be able to drink is when they have alcohol in them they do stupid things, such as driving. When your drunk and your driving people can get killed including yourself, and its illegal. So I personally think that you should not be albe to drink until you are 21.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Aaron. I think that parents should let their kids drink with them. A kid can drink if they want to either way. It don't matter your age you can get the alcohol. If parents would let kids drink with them then they won't be as likely to go out and drink with their friends and drive drunk or get minors. I think it would help kids that are gonna drink either way stay out of as much trouble. I think there should be a drinking age but not 21 it should be lower. A lot of people don't wait till 21 to drink the way it is. People would get in less trouble if they could drink at a lower age. I think parents should let their kids drink with them.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Aaron and nick. If a teen wants to drink then they will find a way, like molly says... your not gunna keep em tied to a chair their whole life... When I'm older, I would rather have my kids drinking responsible amounts with no car available, than being out with a bunch of friends with cars, where things get out of hand and bad things happen. If a kid is with friends, the least of their worries are probably how much they drink ad driving... just getting caught in the act. So parents should have their teens home so that they dont get out of hand when they're trying to make a living later on in life. because they already know the responsibilities of it all and when enough is enough.
ReplyDelete-Dorothy R.
I think if parents let their kids drink at home with them that it could actually help the kids. Kids will drink if they want to and people have to realize that. But kids who are used to drinking like in countries where there is a younger age limit will handle themselves better. Kids in those countries are used to drinking and it isn't a big deal to them so they tend to maybe just have a beer or 2 and be done unlike here where we haven't been brought up with it and we tend to drink way too much and be stupid about it like driving. Sure drinking could cause problems along the way for a person but it's not like parents are making their kids drink and that a lower drinking age is making them drink, it's still their choice either way. But like I said a teenager can get alcohol if they wanted too no problem so instead of partying and driving parents should be allowed and encouraged to teach their kids how to drink responsibly if their kids are showing interest in trying alcohol.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Channing and Tyler. This subject is still undecided for me in some ways. I've toyed with the idea of lowering the drinking age to lower the "excitement" but it might be absolutely crazy and overwhelming at first. I'm just not sure. I do think that kids should wait until they're of age. They should wait until they can make smart decisions before diving right in. Is it really THAT big of a deal to wait awhile? For me, alcoholism runs thick in my family and, I guess that's really opened my eyes. This is very common and should be taken into consideration since it is inherited. If it is a parent's prerogative to let their kids drink, then so be it, but please don't drag other teens into it. And, I really hope they know when enough is enough.
ReplyDeleteWith what Aaron said, I also agree. Parents don't want their kids out drinking with their friends and getting into trouble. So I can see why they would let them drink at home, where they are under adult supervision. That way, if they get it at home, getting it elsewhere, they wouldn't want to. The students drinking at home with their parents are more safe than having them out and about running around town causing trouble or harm to other people. But overall, under age students shouldn't be drinking in the first place.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Tyler and Channing. Underage drinking shouldn't be allowed because, as Hansen said, are bodies aren't ready for it. As a parent, they shouldn't be teaching kids the safe way to drink, they should be teaching and talking to their children about not drinking. Nothing good has ever come out of alcohol. I'm not saying alcohol is a horrible thing and should be illegal I just don't think its a smart choice for kids our age, or anyone.
ReplyDeletewell..i think letting your teen drink in your house or with you will actually make them want to drink less..it actually seems to me like this is just another ordeal like legalizing pot, if and when they legalize it, the urge to do it isnt going to be there..the excitement in doing something illegal is enough to make teens do it more and more..but if they drink often the urge to sneek around and do it more will just fade away..
ReplyDeleteI do not agree with this. It kills brain cells, thats why it is illegal to drink if you are under 21. Your mind just quits growing and you won't be as intelligent as you could be if you drink underage. Also study's show if you start drinking when you are under 21 you have a better chance of becoming an alcoholic. The parents can have better ways to encourage their kids not to drink. As Molly said, if the parents become good friends with their kids they can show them that you can have fun without drinking.
ReplyDeleteI liked Molly's point about communication between parents and kids. Its not always about sitting your kid down and lecturing them on the importance of not using alcohol, I actually feel that's one of the worst things you can do. Most teens put in that situation would probably just shut down and tune out everything being said to them. They feel like they have better things to do and don't want to be controlled by anyone else. Parents who constantly enforce rules and referee their kid's every move and decision have to be prepared for them to rebel as a teenager. I'm not saying this is the case every time, but its definitely a possibility. If you don't want your kid drinking, the best thing to do is start young and teach them how to be responsible and respectful. I also think the personality of the teen should be taken into account when a parent is setting expectations and making decisions about whether or not to let their teen drink at home. Everybody reacts differently to different situations, some people prefer to live life one day at a time and learn from mistakes as they go, while others want to know all the information before they move forward so they can make an informed decision and take the path that will lead them to the desired result.
ReplyDeleteI think under-age drinking should be prohibited by law for sure, but the exception that allows underage to drink at home under supervision of parents. Strong and strict prohibition on alchols would rather work as encouraging teens to try them since it's totally not allowed to do(which is very weird characteristic of the young wanting to try things that are not allowed). I also had tried alchol when I was with my parents, with their allowance. I tasted it, didn't like it, and now I don't have any curiosity of willing to drink. We also used to have a tradition back home that fathers teaching drinking etiquettes & manners to sons around their age 15 in old days - I think role of parents are strongly important: they should teach about the things that are not allowed to underages and considered that their childeren might feel curiosity, should let them know why they are not allowed to teenagers or the younger, and, if possible, let them try that.
ReplyDeleteAs another thing that I want to say about this issue is that it seems to be needed to have a examination on people turning to the ages of being able to use alchol whether their liver is able to neutralize the toxicity of alchol or not which would prevent people from dying from not knowing if their body could stand things like that.
I agree with Aaron. I think the way Martha let her teen drink with in her own house was a smart idea. This would save all the trouble of them sneaking around, getting minors, and getting into car accidents. Also, I think they would end up not drinking as much because they wouldn't have that thrill of doing something illegal. Teens should not be able to drink because we aren't ready to but they are going to do it anyways. Parents should know that if a teen tries it, and they possibly get introuble, most of time they will do it again. It would just make sense to alow them to drink at home.
ReplyDeleteI think it is really important that parents talk to their kids about alcohol. They should tell them what the law is and what they personally think about alcohol. But I think they should not try to put their child into a direction. That does not mean that they should just watch when they start to drink. But when you tell your child not to do something under any circumstances, they will try it in anyway. I think it is a good decision to let your kid drink in your own house because then they are not in danger to get minors or drunk driving.
ReplyDeleteAll in all, I think this is an important topic that parents and kids should talk about!
I think the parents cannot prohibit the teenager to drink alcohol at all. The best way to protect their child against alcohol problems, like drunken driving and so on, is to talk with them about alcohol. Many teenager don't even know how damaging it could be for their bodies. If they would just forbid them to drink, they would try it somewhere else and probably get in trouble. The parents should keep a eye on their child but not control them. I think every family has to figure it out on their own when they going to let them drink.
ReplyDeleteJanina
I agree with Abby and Molly... Parents should talk to their kids about it but when they do they shouldnt just totally drill them on it because most likely they are just going to tune you out and ignore what you say. And no matter what you say some kids are still going to do it anyways. People under 21 can find plenty of ways to get alchohol and drink. Even though they know they arent suposed to be doing it. But I feel that it is very important to go over with your kids the things that they should do if they were to drink not saying that ur giving them the ok just so that they know what not to do if they were to drink. Dont drink and drive dont let you friends drink and drive, ect. Kids need to know that if they ever got them selves into a really bad situation where they needed help or a ride or something that they can resort to their parents.
ReplyDeleteMegan Knott
LAST COMMENT
ReplyDeleteI'm going to comment because I live in a different country and we live in a way different way.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, when you are 15 your parents knd of let you drink, they are not happy, but they don't disagree either. It is more accepted, and because we can have it whenever we want, we are not desperate for it. Is common for us, and we don't depend of it because you get tired of it with time. I am not saying that they should change the law to let you drink... but I dont know why is such a thing here in the US and not in Germany for example that is a rule model country